Dating is not rocket science

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“How do you get a woman to say YES to a date?” It is the first thing one of my male friends asks me when I tell him to ask his crush out to the movies.

It is meant to be a casual outing between a 30-year-old man and a woman in her 20s to the cinema to catch the latest blockbuster on the big screen, but he was hesitant. “I don’t think she’ll ever say yes,” he says. “I don’t think she even likes me…she won’t tell me what’s on her mind. I’d rather she asks me out.”

In today’s world, men are as timid as mice. It takes a courageous woman to ask him out to the movies. And no, this is not some scene out of Bridget Jones’ Mad About That Boy where a woman pursues a man of her desires.

This is the true story of a Singaporean man who lacks the confidence and luck to ask the woman he fancies out to the movies.

For Michael*, 30, asking a woman out is already a challenge. Despite being well-educated, he has been rejected on many occasions by women from all walks of life.

Struggling to get a Singaporean girlfriend for the last five years, he finds it frustrating, sometimes baffling, as to why he gets rejected. Although his parents are fine with him remaining single and living with them for the rest of his life, Michael admits that he longs to get a girlfriend, settle down and move out of his parents’ home.

“My ideal partner would be someone who is pleasant-looking, easy-going, intelligent and independent,” says Michael with a smile. “Someone I can have a conversation with for life.”

Singapore does not lack independent and intelligent women. And the good news to all Michaels out there: it is possible to date a woman even if you have failed a million times. But first of all, you must be confident of who you are as a man.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. The very first thing you should do is to ask her out for either a meal or movie over the phone. Don’t worry about how she thinks of you. Your aim is to ask her out in a smart, polite and casual manner. And don’t rush your words or inject too many “errs..” in what you say. You will sound reckless and silly.

And don’t worry about her turning you down. Nobody dies from being rejected. If she turns you down, politely ask her when will she be free to meet up. Here’s a useful tip: to increase the chances of her saying “Okay,” “Sure,” or “All right”, opt to watch the latest blockbuster in town.

If she absolutely has no issues with you asking her out on a date, do not talk about the way she looks when you meet up with her. This is a big NO-NO for women – she does not like men to gush out compliments about her looks. Don’t even think of talking to her about having sex and or babies. Most career-minded women, like myself, dislike these topics. Talk to us about our work, interests and hobbies – but don’t lie to impress us.

According to relationship expert Violet Lim, some things are better left unsaid, especially on a first date. “Women,” she says, “are generally looking for someone who’s confident, carry themselves well and financially stable.” Men, do not talk about your salary, especially if you are not earning much.

To get another date with her, talk to her like you would any other person. But you should not call her until a week after your first date. Dating smart and attractive women requires you to be indifferent. The trick here is to play hard-to-get, which makes you three times more attractive in her eyes.

Finally…if you want to build attraction and create desire, hit the gym and work out! Smart women prefer men who don’t just look good but are health-conscious. And being trim and fit conveys the message that you are in-charge of your own body and that makes you resilient to obesity-related diseases. It also conveys the message that you are geared for success.

Hanging out with successful men and pick-up artistes also helps you get up to speed on dating tactics. Observe what these men do and try them out by checking out any available women on the streets. Mind what you say and do. Or be prepared to get charged for sexual-related offences.

Dating a woman out is not rocket science.

Image credit: Singapore Love Links