From S$600 birthday treats to daily Grab rides: SG man wonders if men are trying too hard to compete for love

SINGAPORE: Dating can be an expensive business, but are some Singaporean men taking things a little too far to impress women?

One local man was left baffled after hearing about the rather extravagant lengths some of his male acquaintances had gone to for women they were not even in a relationship with.

In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, the man shared, “I have recently been hearing some stories from guys in my circle, and it’s making me wonder if the dating scene here has gotten so competitive. One guy I know has been consistently Grab-ing a girl that he met on Hinge home from work even though they’re NOT dating.”

“He doesn’t even own a car btw, so he’s literally booking Grab rides just to accompany her home before taking public transport back himself (they live on opp ends of sg). Apparently they’ve been ‘talking’ for 5 months, and she still says she's unsure about being in an RS with him. Bro is basically paying to be her personal chauffeur…”

The man added that another friend had gone all out for a woman he met on Hinge, spending close to S$600 on her birthday dinner and gift during their second date. This was after he had already forked out S$150 for their first date at a fancy cocktail bar.

“They weren’t exclusive, hadn’t even established whether they were dating, and she was still actively matching and going on dates with other guys,” he said.

“When we asked him why he’d spend so much, his response was ‘If I don’t put in effort, some other guy will’ because women have an ‘abundance of options’ in online dating. And no, he's not rich; he earns a median salary.”

Then came perhaps the most dedicated admirer of the lot: a colleague who actually took annual leave to accompany a woman to a medical appointment.

“[She was] not his girlfriend, not even someone he’s officially dating. He’d also regularly buy her lunch, send her food when she OT-ed, and help her run errands (nothing wrong with that). However, she eventually told him she only saw him as a friend, and he STILL continued doing all these things because he said he wanted to show that he's ‘different from other guys, ’ hoping she might change her mind. It's been two months, and he hasn't let up.”

“Same guy also admitted that he spent an entire semester helping his crush code her FYP, spending hours teaching her lecture concepts and even helped her move in and out of hall using his rented car, before being ghosted soon after.”

Wondering whether such grand gestures had become the norm in Singapore's dating scene, he asked: “Is the dating market in SG so competitive now that guys feel they have to go above and beyond just to stand a chance? Or are some guys simply confusing being a good partner with being a doormat? I think putting in effort and treating someone well is important. But at what point is it too much?” 

“And guys, what’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done (or seen another guy do) to pursue someone who wasn’t even his girlfriend?”

‘Just be yourself’

In the discussion thread, many commenters expressed disbelief at the lengths these men went to for their dates, saying that winning a woman over shouldn't have to be that complicated or costly.

One user wrote, “Omg those friends you know are such a simp; it was so tough reading them. Spending grab for a girl that's not even your gf for 5 months. He should have used this sum to be filial to his parents, and that makes him more attractive.”

Another said, “They are on the simping market, not the dating market. They are competing on who simps more. Because real dates don't work like that.”

A third shared, “There are crazy guys out there everywhere; don't try to out-crazy them—you can get a quality girl without having to do all these. I have a female friend who was offered her own condo on a first date—no strings attached. She still turned him down.”

Meanwhile, others advised men to stay true to themselves rather than pretend to be someone they were not just to impress a potential partner.

One user commented, “I just think be yourself; if you were to put on a facade, you can't sustain that. Ultimately, you will be bound to meet someone who will appreciate you; you just need to put yourself out there (social events, online dating, etc). And on the side, just continue to hustle work and work on both facial and physical appearance. Just try your best within your means while dating without such excessive sacrifice.”/TISG

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