‘He wants to go Dutch but expects me to doll up’: Singapore woman questions dating double standards
Woman applies makeup, looking in a compact mirror
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman has questioned whether girls should be expected to spend hours getting ready for dates when the men they meet insist on splitting the bill equally.
The woman raised the issue in a post on r/sgdatingscene on Tuesday (Oct 6), saying several men she had gone out with told her she should put more effort into her appearance.
She said she had previously tried “dressing down for dates,” particularly for casual outings such as walks at East Coast Park (ECP) and the nearby nature parks (NP). Yet some men still told her they expected her to wear makeup, including “at least some lip gloss and foundation.”
The expectation surprised her, as she said her usual preparation already included “lip balm, eyebrow pencil, and sunscreen.”
She added that she generally avoided foundation because of Singapore’s hot weather, saying that “sweating is soooo not a good idea for our skin.”
“Will guys be ok for girls to not dress up if they tell us that they’re gonna go Dutch… I mean, where does ‘equality’ start/ end, guys?”
To explain her point further, she constructed a hypothetical scenario involving a man named Mark, who tells his date: “I don’t pay for women on dates, I ALWAYS split the check.”
“So she thought, ‘Ok, I respect that, but if we are building a relationship as absolute equals, where nobody owes anybody anything, why am I about to spend 2 hours prepping? Why am I expected to look like a magazine cover while Mark (guy in this scenario) will almost certainly show up in jeans and a sweater?’”
In her hypothetical scenario, Mark then tells her, “You totally didn’t prep for this date, did you?”
When she explains that she views this as an issue of equality, he responds: “But THAT’S DIFFERENT… women like dressing up.”
She replies, “I enjoy feeling beautiful, but I enjoy being myself even more. Glowing skin, styled hair, nice hair… that takes serious time, effort AND MONEY. A modern guy shouts equality because he doesn’t want to pay for coffee/ dinner but still expects a stunning, highly-groomed woman sitting across from him. He just expects all that time, effort and money to be served up for FREE.”
In her hypothetical scenario, the date ended without either person contacting the other again.
‘Equality by splitting things 50/50 is really unromantic’
The post drew mixed reactions, with some Reddit users arguing that both people should make an effort for a date.
“Huh, weird post or possibly rage bait. Shouldn’t both parties dress up? Guys should also be neatly groomed and not turn up in a singlet and shorts,” one user wrote.
“Personally, I think if you're both low income or students, then just go Dutch. If not, then the guy should pay. In terms of dress-up, both sides should put in some effort,” another said.
Newsletter
Get updates straight to your inbox
Others felt the woman should simply wear whatever made her comfortable, arguing that dressing up should not be treated as an obligation tied to who pays for the meal.
“Honestly, I'd rather the girl feel comfortable during the date than feel like they need to spend hours doing up her looks,” one comment read.
“Equality by splitting things 50/50 is really unromantic. What's important is both sides feel like they're getting a fair deal. This whole entitlement culture of ‘The guy must pay’ or ‘The girl must doll up’ is quite a turn-off, don't you think? Relationships should be more about building connections rather than expectations on the other party.”/TISG