Asian man thinking/contemplating
‘She is always late’: Singapore man asks how to get deal with girlfriend’s ‘chronic lateness’
SINGAPORE: A man has asked fellow Singaporeans for advice on how to get his girlfriend to be more punctual, saying she is chronically late despite knowing that it bothers him.
In a post on the r/asksg forum, the man said his girlfriend is late for almost everything, whether it is “our dates or her classes or an important event.” She is usually late by several minutes, but on some occasions, she has arrived more than an hour late, while other times she only manages to turn up “just on the dot”.
He said he had already spoken to her about her habit of being late, and she has repeatedly acknowledged that it is a problem. Despite this, she has not taken any steps to change her behaviour.
He also shared, “Earlier today we were late for a booked event simply because she left home later (again). Personally, I was brought up in a family who stressed the importance of being early and respecting others’ time, so it was quite shocking to meet someone late so often.”
“I would like to ask how I can get my GF to be more punctual for our dates. Please don’t tell me to leave her because I love her a lot…”
‘Communicate firmly and set boundaries’
In the comments, many felt there was little the boyfriend could do at this point. They advised him to let his girlfriend be and allow her to face the consequences of her own actions, predicting that only a major incident would truly teach her the lesson.
One said, “You can't do anything, because you will just ‘stress’ her. Gotta let her be until she hits the consequences of it one day.”
Another shared from personal experience that the habit never changes. “My wife is chronically late. Don’t bother changing. My kids are chronically late as well. If you cannot accept it. Move on.”
Some, however, suggested he either give her an earlier time — telling her to arrive 30 minutes ahead so she shows up on time — or arrive late himself so she understands how it feels.
One user wrote, “She’s time-blind and is a symptom of ADHD. I know this because once it clicked for me, I became hyper aware. I also have friends that are at least an hour late to dinners, etc. For group catch-up and dinners, we give the chronic one a time that’s an hour ahead of the booked time, so they end up lining up with everyone else’s arrival time”
A few others added he should try communicating the problem again.
“If this is really bothering you, communicate firmly and set boundaries. I know people like her too who are always late,” one said. “They think being late is cute or quirky or ‘just girl things.’ It's disrespectful, inconsiderate, and irresponsible.”
What can you do when your partner is always late?
Communicate your concerns
Relationship experts advise that if your partner is constantly late, it's very important to tell them how this affects you. There's a good chance they keep doing it because they aren't aware of how much their tardiness makes you feel disrespected or causes you stress, anxiety, or even embarrassment.
Show them how
They may genuinely have no idea how to change, so it falls to you to show them.
Explain that you always work backwards from the appointment time, factoring in how long it takes to get ready, travel to the destination, and leave some extra time for unexpected delays.
Newsletter
Get updates straight to your inbox
For instance, if the appointment is at 10 am, you might wake up at around 8:30 am, giving yourself 45 minutes to get dressed and prepare, followed by 30 minutes of travelling time and another 15 minutes as a buffer in case of traffic or other delays
Help them along the way
Do not simply offer the advice and leave it there. Continue to guide them. If there is an event coming up, tell them what to wear, how long preparation will take, where it is, and when they need to leave. Be kind and gentle as well. Avoid scolding them every time they slip up.
Understand why
It is also worth asking why they are always late. There may be a specific reason behind it, and if there is, you can help address it.
Consider whether this is something you can accept
As one Reddit user whose wife is also chronically late pointed out, not everyone is able to change this habit. Ultimately, you may have to decide whether their constant lateness is something you can live with or something you can learn to overlook.